I'm grateful for my good friends

Another Monday, another Stop-whining Monday post; a personal campaign.

I've never had many friends, even since I was a young girl. Throughout life I only have a handful of them. I used to think it's a pity how I can count my friends with just my two hands' fingers (well okay, maybe with a few toes too), but I don't think that way anymore because that 'handful' of friends proved to be the best ones I can have and I'm grateful for that.

I can't never be able to describe in words how much I appreciate their friendships, how they stuck with me in good and bad and how much positiveness they bring to my life that makes all the negatives seem unimportant, small and insignificant. I mean honestly there were times when I even wouldn't stuck with 'me', but they did and they got me through it. I am so lucky to have them.

I am fortunate to live independently (in decision making matter)

I'm launching my personal campaign Stop-whining Monday.

The goal is NOT to whine especially on the most hated day, Monday, hopefully gradually I'll stop whining on any other day too. And instead on whining I'll list one thing I'm feeling grateful for, in general or particular, to remind myself that I am fortunate enough and doesn't have the right to whine because there are people out there who are much less fortunate.

The title above I chose to show my gratitude this week of something I have .

Why? Because I've been thinking lately how to be able to live independently is the greatest gift of all. To be able to make my own decisions is what I treasure very much of my life.

The thought suddenly cross my mind when I see a couple of friends of mine who are still looking to others, especially to their parents, to make a decision.

Sure we sometimes discuss things with our parents, partners or friends when trying to make such a hard and problematic decision, but there are times when they are not capable to decide over a ridiculously small decision. Maybe they are not used to it. Maybe they've been so dependently relying on others for so long they just can't make decision independently.

Perhaps I'm seeing it wrongly, perhaps there are people who would rather to rely upon someone else to decide things for them.

Of course there are times when we have to compromise, with parents, husbands, children, relatives, friends, etc. But that doesn't mean we can't decide what we want. It means we're considering their feelings and what our decision might affect them.

I'm independent, and I'm feeling fortunate because of it...

A fairly good day

I can't remember when the last time I was actually having a fairly good day. Between my mood swings, works and tiredness I barely enjoyed any day at all.

Today hubby, daughter & I met up with a couple who are good friends of ours and their 7 months old baby daughter. We went to one of the nicest pubs near where hubby works and spent a long lunch most of afternoon sitting outside under a 100-year-old oak tree.

It was really nice just to chill over nice meals and chatted endlessly, which constantly interrupted by either my preschooler or their baby. And since it's a Saturday night I feel soooo relaxed that I'll still have one more day before working days.

I decided that I'll finish up work on NY's eve, I have a feeling that the next 2 months will be dragging on... Well, I'll just have to deal with it...

Ulcer (or at least that's what I think it is)

I've been getting what I think is a stomach ulcer in the last 2 weeks. I don't think I've skip meals, I've been eating regularly and frequently so it can't be the cause of the problems. Besides being pregnant I'm hungry all the time!

I'm trying to remember what I did on the day(s) when I got the stomach ache, and I've come to conclusions:

1. (Decaffeinated) coffee
I'll never drink coffee again, at least until the baby is born and see how my stomach will take it. I love coffee and although in the beginning of my pregnancy I hated even the smell of it now I'm starting to like it again. If now I'm desperate I'm just going to have a sip or two, no more.

2. Tea
Limit to only one cup a day, maybe two if when I really want it but not consecutively, i.e. one in the morning, and another one at late afternoon.

3. Fruit
Not in the evening or after dinner. I noticed my stomach ache comes at late evenings. So fruit is to be eaten during the day and not after 5pm.

4. Getting cranky & stupid over my messy daughter
-Eliminate the source;
At the moment I'm sorting her books and toys, with her approval of course otherwise I'd be in trouble when she wakes up the next day to find her empty shelves! I'll only keep a few things she likes to play with, and get rid of the rest. The reason I kept the rest of the toys/books in her room is because they usually stay where they are at the shelves or in the basket. But lately when she's bored she just takes everything out and after every thing's on the floor and messy she claims she's too tired to pack away! And of course mummy (that's me!) getting all worked-up & cranky - hence, getting herself a new ulcer!
-Solutions;
Needs to be more relaxed which I find really hard lately. I think during pregnancy my level or tolerance has dropped dangerously low.
Needs to have warm baths more often, with various calming effect scented aroma therapy bubble bath. And whilst in the tub to zone out to 'my happy place', where ever it is!

*Disclaimer: These suggestions are not medically proven and applicable only for my case. Especially no.4 is NOT to be applied without consulting your own conscience for at least once.

Sambel Goreng Ati

Bahan:
300 gr ati ayam (atow hati sapi bagi yg suka)
500 gr kentang, kupas potong dadu
12 butir petai atau lebih bagi yg suka, iris tipis-tipis
3 cm lengkuas, geprak
1 batang sereh, geprak
3 lembar daun salam
50 ml santan kental
Air secukupnya

Bumbu halus:
5 butir bawang merah (atau 1 bawang bombay)
3 siung bawang puting
7 cabe merah, kurang lebih sesuai selera
1 tomat
2 butir kemiri
1/2 sdt terasi
Gula & garam sesuai selera

Instruksi:

1. Rebus ati ayam sebentar, tiriskan, goreng sebentar dengan sedikit minyak. Tiriskan, potong dadu.
2. Goreng kentang hingga matang, tiriskan
3. Tumis bumbu halus, daun salam, lengkuas dan sereh hingga harum.
4. Masukan ati ayam, aduk sebentar hingga rata.
5. Masukan santan, air, kentang dan petai. Biarkan sebentar sambil diaduk-aduk sampai bumbu meresap dan keluar minyaknya.
   
6. Hidangkan dengan nasi putih hangat
   

*Recipe from here slightly modified by me, tested & tasted in my kitchen

Burn out

I know that toddlers/preschoolers always demand attention, 25 hours a day, so I was warned. It is trued indeed, I have not had 5 minutes to myself today except when she was having a nap.

When I sat down after dinner and try to unwind by watching some tv, she sat next to me and pretend to read her book. Loudly.

When I had shower she came several times which during the period of that 15 minutes she would open & close the door letting the cold air into the bathroom.

I then tried to read some news on the net since she seemed settled down with her colourings, then she came up and start to asking me about silly things.

I'm still trying to pretend to ignore and suppress my annoyance when she then announced to me that she's still hungry and wanted to have some peanut butter sandwich. She's just had dinner!

I told her to get lost.

I'm not proud of it but I just did it. I just lost it. I'm so buggered, and I tried make effort earlier this afternoon by taking her to the park but it didn't seem to wear her off just one bit.

Sometimes I wonder if I'd manage having two, though it's a bit too late to change my mind. I think I should finish work earlier than I'd planned so that I won't burn out to bits by the time I reach the end of the next 3 months. I think for the sakes of everyone's sanity I really should finish up early.

Birth Business

Just finished watching Ricki Lake's The Business Of Being Born documentary on birth in US... WOW!! It's mind-blowing...

I'm not going to go into details but in my case I'm glad I didn't go through induction and all the intervention cascades, because it would've made the experience traumatic and might've harmed the baby too. You see these women strapped down on the bed with various lines attached to their veins and the obstetricians giving them ultimatum if they're not going to deliver this baby in such and such time then they'll do ventouse/forceps delivery or c-section. You see these women were crying from the pain (induction causes more pain than natural labour), and then they were crying because they felt helpless.

I am grateful that my experience of elective c-section somewhat good if not blissful compare to those "failed to progress" (which actually caused by failed induction) those women had . And I'm grateful that the hospital's OB agrees not to induce me because I'm having VBAC, and it's giving me an advantage for lessen the risk uterine scar rupture since in 1999 medical research finally concluded that the cause of most of uterine scar rupture is the strong contractions from pitocin induction.

One of the OBs on the documentary said the first c-section is easy, it's when it comes to second, third and fourth when things get complicated and the risk of bleeding, infections and other things are going up and up...

One of my favourite persons who is a speaker in this documentary is Marsden Wagner (who has retired from a distinguished career as head of Maternal and Child Health for the European Office of the World Health Organisation (WHO), he now acts as a consultant for WHO in the emerging countries of central and eastern Europe), said that if you want to have a natural birth then stay away from the hospital! He's an OB and by him saying this, well it says a lot doesn't it?

Unlike Ricki Lake who felt cheated from her first birth which was in the hospital and was full with interventions and time limits, so that for the second birth she wanted to have a natural birth at home, my reasons for having a natural birth (either at home or hospital) is because I want to be able to be on my feet straight after birth which I didn't have when I had my first with my c-section. We haven't had help, it was just hubby and I. He helped me a lot of course but after 2 weeks he had to go back to work. I was struggling to recover from a major abdominal surgery with oozing scar infection and unable to do normal things such as lifting up and walking even a short distance without getting the pain, AND also looking after our newborn. Believe me, looking after newborns are harder that it seems.

If I can change few things, this is definitely one thing I want to avoid. I'm not trying to be a martyr or a crusader in birthing a child, I will be feeling so grateful and relieved if with the next birth I'll be able to recover quickly... But IF things don't go according to plan and IF I end up with another c-section I will be grateful too. First because I know I'm not putting my baby through those induction cocktail of drugs, and two because I will know that I am informed and know my choices/options, something I was lacking previously.

I really like my midwife

I had another appointment with my private midwife today, in the comfort of my own lounge room over the familiar cups of tea brewed in my own kitchen. Very relaxed I perched on my own black leather couch amongst my own cushions, in the room I know so well where I can vaguely smell my vanilla scented fragrance diffuser which I placed in the corner of my living room...

No other antenatal appointments/classes can get more comfortable than this!

I don't know if it's because of her personality, or the services she offers - maybe a bit of both. It's so totally different with my previous experience with my former OB. With him it was very medically, and if I may recall a rather patronising one too.

Actually, I have no one else to blame but myself. If only I educated myself more first time around, and put more effort in searching and finding out what's best... But I guess that's how first usually mothers are, very trusting and perhaps a little naive. Not all of them are like that, but mostly... Ah well...

My midwife not only talks about medical stuff around pregnancy, birth, and VBAC, but she also talks about breastfeeding, about raising boys (yes, we're going to have a boy this time!) and its challenges, about raising more than one child and etc. I can discuss the simplest little thing like stretch marks and increased vaginal discharge during pregnancy (too much information, I know!), to a more complicated issue like how working mothers struggling to juggle everything in day-to-day basis and to cope with tiredness and other uncomfortable sensations and pains which are pregnancy related. She has a background education in early childhood development and family welfare too, so it was great to be able to share some of her knowledges in those fields.

She has endless resources of literatures, books and DVDs. I did very little effort to find those materials, she has them all!

Ok, I think I will continue to praise her even though I'm not yet birth my baby! But it is the truth, I'm so happy with the care I get so far. I'm feeling fortunate to have options, to be able to choose what choice that is right for me...

It's been a pleasant journey and I plan to continue to enjoy through the last half of my second pregnancy. I'm so happy to have made the right decision, that by choosing a private midwife is a big part of what makes it an enjoyable journey...

Ps: We listened to the baby heart with a doppler, we've got an active little baby! Heart rate is good and he kept moving around making some screeching noise on the doppler's speaker, he's sommersaulting in there!

Still less motivated but I think I like my job again

After three ridiculously busy weeks I think I will be able to enjoy working again next week. I came to work last Saturday to put things together from our one-day workshop on the day before as I knew I wouldn't have time to do them in my normal part-time working hours, and there are other things I need to get done as well. I didn't expect my boss to recognise my extra hours working, but to my surprise he offered to pay me plus the extra weekend rate. Yay! I think I like my job again!

However, I'm sad to say I am much less motivated to work this time compare with my first pregnancy. I think because I hardly have a break, when I'm not working at an office I "work" at home looking after my toddler so there's hardly any break really... I'm really tired most of the days And I think I just want one of the works to be over soon...

I think I'm going to finish around 4-5 weeks before my due date, which makes it beginning or middle of January next year. But if by mid or end of December I couldn't be bothered with it anymore I'm just going to finish it up. Boss is very relaxed about it, said whenever I feel like to finish up I can.

I'm afraid these next 3 months are going to dragging on and on forever!

A little rant about shocking remark by an obstetrician

I've been reading a VBAC Support forum and following other women's journeys towards VBAC. I can't believe how many doctors (obstetricians/gynaecologists) who are supposed to be giving medical advices and suggestions are actually giving their patients way more than that, they're threatening and bullying their patients into having birth interventions such as induction and caesarean section.

I understand that many lives were saved because of these kinds of interventions, which I'm grateful because of it, but there are cases where these professionals abuse their "power" over their patients.

I've read a woman's experience whom doctor told her that if she waited another week for her scheduled caesarean (because she's considered as "overdue"), that she could have a car accident and both her and her baby might die. What kind of logic is that???

It's appalling and disgusting!

Unfortunately that woman felt she had no choice and tired of "fighting" with her doctor & nurses. She's scheduled for a caesarean section today regardless she's only a few days past her 40 weeks. I pray and wish her the best, and look forward to hear her birth story. Even if she did have a c-section I wish her a nice birth experience.

These kinds of stories have make me adamant that I WILL NOT fall into any threat or bully by these "professionals". Whatever the decision I will be making in the end will be MY decision and not theirs. They can provide me with suggestions, advices, and theories but it will be ME who's making the decision. I WILL have the control over my body, not them. I will NOT let them make me scared or confused.

I think it's unfair how women "have to fight" for their own right of birthing of their choice when both baby and the woman are in good health. It's "my body, my choice"!

I remember on the second appointment with the hospital where the OB said he wanted me to have at least 2 appointments, at 28 weeks and 36 weeks, and how he said they will be concerned if I go past 40 weeks and then 41 weeks... I didn't say anything back then, I should've told him how I KNOW it is not considered "overdue" until 42 weeks and we can talk about interventions THEN...

Anyway, I've made up my mind not to fall into these threats and bullies. I trust my private midwife because I believe she's passionate in natural birth and VBAC, and as long as my baby and I are healthy I will not worry about negavites words from hospital's OBs & midwives.